Help Wanting
100 things not to say in a job interview
This article is from the April issue of Radar Magazine. For a risk-free issue, click here
SEALING THE DEAL Be yourself! Just don't say anything listed below
1. "Sorry I'm late. I could have sworn you said 'San Francisco.'"
2. "Where I come from, that kind of question will get you shot."
3. "If I smell like Cheez-Its, it's just because I love them so freakin' much."
4. "I don't like to brag about competitive offers—let's just say I've had some interest from a company that rhymes with Flurger Cling."
5. "Does your health plan cover abortion? If so,
can I start today?"
6. "My work ethic is so strong, it's practically Asian."
7. "Is Jesus considered a personal reference?"
8. "Would it be possible to be paid in cash? I'm kind of laying low right now."
9. "What in the hell is this Microsoft Word everyone keeps talking about?"
10. "Do me a kindness and scratch beneath my carpal tunnel splints?"
11. "Do you have a speakerphone? My lawyer would like to be involved."
12. "When I get nervous in interviews, I like to picture the other person naked, with my junk in their mouth."
13. "My motto: Work hard, play hard—or as the Nazis might say, Arbeit macht frei."
14. [Winking.] "Why, I have no idea how that $10 bill just appeared on your desk."
15. "Mind if I bunk here till I straighten my housing situation out?"
"Hope you don't mind, but I brought my own ...
(16) chair
(17) humidifier
(18) slippers."
19. "Think of me as the Hamburger Helper to your skillet of ground workload."
20. "It doesn't matter where I'd like to be in five years, because aliens will have inseminated us all by then, right?"
21. "Funny, everyone who reads my résumé always homes right in on the manslaughter."
22. "I really look forward to abandoning my dreams at your corporation."
23. "Let's just cut to the chase: Who and where is the office slut?"
24. "Do you believe in fairies?"
25. "My E-Meter readings are on the back." |
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