Radar 100

It's Not Me, It's You

100 signs you're in the wrong relationship

By Tedd Levin, Jason Roeder, Mike Sacks, and Ted Travelstead

NO. 32 You role-play as "Guy With a Reason to Live" and "Girl Who Doesn't Cry After Sex" (Photo: Jason Rodgers)

This article is from the April issue of Radar Magazine. For a risk-free issue, click here.

1. These days, you can barely muster the energy to punch each other.

2. Your engagement ring is made of calamari.

3. Your friends refer to you as "Biggie" and "Tupac."

4. You keep a "Go Bag" at his apartment.

5. You finish each other's silences.

6. The erotic highlight of your week is "Whip It Out Wednesday."

7. You think fondly of the sanitation worker who called your butt "redonkulous" this morning.

8. You take separate sexcations.

9. You're making it work for the sake of her stuffed animals.

10. He's stopped flipping over his grandmother's portrait before sex.

11. The L sounds have returned to "My Wittle Wovemuffin."

12. You come home to find a trail of rose petals and a note that reads: "Went to orgy. Don't wait up."

13. Your Sleep Numbers add up to 666.

14. On Wife Swap, your first question for your new husband was, "Wait ... where's my bamboo cage?"

15. You're in couples counseling—with someone else.

16. She only wears her rape whistle around the house.

17. Your kids refer to you as "That Man."

18. His last name is Montague-McCoy; yours is Capulet-Hatfield.

19. She keeps accidentally stabbing you.

20. His name is Rudy Giuliani.

21. She's desperately trying to set you up with her gay friends.

22. Your name, tattooed on his chest, has somehow morphed into a Jamaican Bart Simpson.

23. He erased your wedding video to tape more episodes of Arli$$.

24. Your couples therapist recommends electroshock.

25. You leave for work in the middle of the night just so you don't have to say good morning.

04/03/08

Related: From the Magazine, Radar 100

Comments (3) | Print | E-mail | Recommend It (5) |

95. You've started reading How Stella Got Her Groove Back with a highlighter.

---------95a. You're married to the guy from How Stella Got Her Groove Back.

Posted by: twankers00 on April 4, 2008 8:12 PM

Hey now, #45 is a keeper. Smart man.

('He brought his Game Boy into the delivery room.')

Posted by: Foxxbott on April 5, 2008 10:04 PM

people at "intimatemingle. com" supply many videos, if you like you can check on it, and share your feeling with others.

Posted by: davidnina on April 10, 2008 11:25 PM

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May/June 2008 Table of Contents
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Auto Eroticism
For the renegades behind Grand Theft Auto, controversy is all part of the game

The Ecstasy of Defeat
To the losers go the spoils—just ask these former presidential candidates

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It's Not Me, It's You

100 signs you're in the wrong relationship

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