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Very Bad Toys

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10. Johnny Reb Cannon

images/2006/12/JOHNNY-REB-CANNON.jpg
WHISTLING DIXIE Through the new hole in your head

The South did rise again, at least during playtime for the owners of the Johnny Reb, a 30-inch "authentic Civil War" cannon draped in the Confederate flag. The Reb fired hard plastic cannonballs with a spring mechanism—the aspiring secessionist need only pull a lanyard. No word on exactly how fast the cannonballs flew, but they traveled up to 35 feet and seemed perfectly sized to lodge into an eye socket, down an open mouth, or through a slave's window.

For only $11.98, young rebels got a cannon, six cannonballs, a ramrod, and a rebel flag. What better way to permanently maim your little brother while spreading valuable lessons about states' rights?


SCHLOCK AND LOAD This must-watch 1961 commercial for the Reb features the catchy jingle, "We'll all be gay when Johnny comes marching home!" Click play—you'll thank us.

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