A JOLIE GOOD TIME

Can Angelina really be a bad lay? Do British royals really use pick-up lines? Find out in Radar’s gossip challenge!

1. To what did Billy Bob Thornton obliquely compare sex with ex Angelina Jolie in July’s Esquire?

    • A. Being mounted by a crazed orangutan.

 

    • B. Pushing a rock up a hill…for eternity.

 

    • C. Making love to a couch.

 

    D. Having teeth pulled, only without the fun drugs.

 

 

2. What job did Will Farrell do to make ends meet before becoming a successful comedian?

    • A. He toiled as a carpenter in the backwoods of Appalachia.

 

    • B. He was an arithmetically challenged bank teller.

 

    • C. He traveled around with his friends in a brightly painted van solving mysteries.

 

    D. He was the most obnoxious “secret shopper” for a small East Coast sporting goods chain.

 

 

3. Pick the shrinking celebrity who weighs less:

    • A.

Michael Jackson

    • B.

Lindsay Lohan

 

 

4. Wiccans in Salem, Massachusetts, are upset about the soon-to-be-released flick Bewitched for which of the following reasons?

    • A. The TV Land cable network is planning to erect a nine-foot bronze statue of Samantha Stephens in the middle of town.

 

    • B. During the three months

Nicole Kidman

    •  spent in town researching her role, she was frequently rude to the staff of the local Starbucks.

 

    • C. They thought

Shannon Doherty

    •  would have been better for the part.

 

    • D. They’re Wiccans, so they’ve obviously got problems to begin with.

 

    E. Kidman doesn’t twitch her nose correctly, according to ancient Wiccan tradition.

 

 

5. What was Prince William’s reported pickup line when he first set eyes on his college crush, sexy Tennessean Anna Sloan, at St. Andrews?

    • A. “You know what they say about guys whose dads have big ears, right?”

 

    • B. “Wanna see the ‘crown jewels’?”

 

    • C. “Hi. I’m the future king. Do you want to make out?”

 

    D. “You remind me of a championship bass—I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you!”

 

 

6. Convicted serial killer David Berkowitz, a.k.a. Son of Sam, is suing his former lawyer over supposedly stolen possessions. Which of the following does Berkowitz not claim he’s missing?

    • A. His bar mitzvah photos.

 

    • B. Tape-recordings of the barking of the dog who told him to kill.

 

    • C. His will.

 

    D. Letters from the mother of one of his victims.

 

 

7. Which of the following is the Globe willing to do to get an exclusive photo of Brad and Angelina together?

 

    • A. Sign confidentiality agreements that ban the tabloid from mentioning anything about their personal lives or their loud, animalistic sex.

 

    • B. Tell Angelina that, on second thought,

Tomb Raider 2

    •  wasn’t so bad.

 

    • C. Donate $10,000 to Save the Children.

 

    D. Drown a burlap sack full of kittens.

 

 

8. According to People magazine, why did Lindsay Lohan bar Jessica and Ashlee Simpson from her MTV Movie Awards party?

    • A. She was afraid Ashlee might frighten her guests with a spontaneous jig.

 

    • B. Jessica was wearing the same dress Lohan was wearing…and looked better in it.

 

    • C. Ashlee totally made out with Lindsay’s ex-boyfriend the previous week.

 

    D. Lohan was concerned about jackass cooties.

 

 

9. Which celebrity’s mom once made the following statement about her daughter: “I wish she was gay”?

    • A.

Britney Spears

    • B.

Pamela Anderson

    • C.

Katie Holmes

    • D.

Paris Hilton

    • E.

Anne Heche

 

 

10. In the upcoming book 4 Inches, a slew of gorgeous VIPs pose for the camera wearing nothing but Jimmy Choos (with their naughty bits strategically obscured) to benefit the Elton John AIDS Foundation. For her portrait in the book, what does Paris Hilton use to cover up her own “Jimmy Choo”?

    • A. A Polaroid of

Nicole Richie

    • ’s face

 

    • B. A fresh, crisp $100 bill

 

    • C. A camcorder, pointed at the reader

 

    D. Tinkerbell