ENTERTAINMENT REPORT

Back when Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez pulled a Grace Kelly (never thought you’d see those two names in a single sentence, huh?) and died overseas in a car accident, we thought we’d seen the last of TLC. We understood then that some things are simply irreplaceable. (Just ask Andre Rison.) Now, in spite of their earlier promises to not replace Left Eye, the non-dead members of the group will star in a reality show that will turn some sexy young thing into a lite-rapping sex-pot. Scrubs need not apply. [ContactMusic]

• Back in the days when the word “oriental” could be used without the ACLU jumping down your throat, many detective movies were made featuring a character called Charlie Chan. Who better to resurrect one of the most hysterically, blatantly stereotyped icons of the pre-code era than Lucy Liu? Maybe someone who can’t pronounce the letter “R” so well? It’d certainly be closer in spirit to the original films. [ComingSoon.net]

• The one person who’s not sick of the latest Green Day record “American Idiot” turns out to be Green Day’s very own Billy Joe Armstrong. In fact, listening to the record the other day while lounging decadently in his underwear and having grapes fed to him, Armstrong realized he wanted to turn the record into a movie. At least we know who’s going to sweep the Razzies next year. [NME]

• You might think the new FX show, Over There, was developed by some bureaucrat at the Department of Defense: “Ordinary Iraqi citizens barely exist in the show so far — they are mostly video-game blips in the distance, to be picked off before they pick you off.” In reality, the new drama set to premiere this evening is the work of Steven Bochco, the man behind NYPD Blue. So, sure, the show is a propaganda campaign. But at least this time around we won’t be subjected to shots of Dennis Franz’s ass. [LA Times] (LH)

PARIS’ GREEK FAME AND MISFORTUNE

So you thought that everyone in the world and their mothers saw the Paris Hilton sex tape. You were nearly right. Perhaps the most important mother in Paris’ world right now — her would-be mother-in-law Mariana Kourkoulos — must have had her spam guard kicking in high gear when the scandal broke (or perhaps she doesn’t have internet access in the first place), as she had no idea her little boy’s blooming bride-to-be had once been filmed mid-coitus.

It was only after the Greek magazine Very Sorry published 22 screencaps from the Rick Salomon tape that Mariana realized her future in-law likes taking it raw and hard. Naturally, Kourkoulos isn’t taking the news very well; according to sources close to the family, she’s demanding that the engagement be called off, claiming the marriage will make the Latsis clan a “laughing stock.” Maybe when she’s had time to fully digest the situation, she’ll realize she’s about two months too late. (DH)

 

YACHT’S ENTERTAINMENT!

Experiencing a weird kind of jet lag from waking up early to watch the Tour de France live on TV? Shocked and betrayed by Lance Armstrong’s retirement? Looking for another “sport” to watch until bored out of your skull? Fear not, great couch potatoes of America; the Outdoor Life Network is going to be bringing us every moment of frantic knot-tying and line-casting from a number of yacht races (called regattas by the ascot and cravat set) in the next few years. OLN will be showing the next Louis Vuitton cup, the qualifying regattas for the America’s Cup, and finally, in 2007, the America’s Cup itself. We’ll sure be watching — that is, if every cable channel goes out with the exception of OLN. And our DVD players and VCRs break down simultaneously. And our iPods and laptops run off and elope in Vegas. And our cellphones self-destruct. And our attempts to finish ourselves off are unsuccessful. Oh yes, we’ll be watching. (Jonathan Lewin)