ODDS & ENDS

A call for an end to celebrity couple names: “Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall were not known as Humphauren. Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were not Richabeth.”
• Probably not for the faint of heart. Rumors are circulating about a new celeb sex tape, this one featuring Elizabeth Hurley and convicted felon, Tom Sizemore.
• Play your part in releasing poor Katie Holmes from the grip of Scientology: FreeKatie.net
• The incredible shrinking crappy TV personality: Carson Daly’s slimming down. Does anyone care? Anyone? Hello?

ENTERTAINMENT REPORT: ICELANDIC EDITION

Destiny’s Child, the R&B supergroup consisting of Beyonce and a rotating cast of also-rans, is calling it quits. In a press release, the band says “We have been working together as Destiny’s Child since we were 9, and have been touring together since we were 14 … After all these wonderful years working together, we realized that now is the time to pursue our personal goals and solo efforts in earnest.” It sounds real nice, until you remember that all this is all bullshit. The two other original Destiny’s Children were tossed by Beyonce’s pop. [Rolling Stone]

• In a bit of controversy that gets right to the heart of the difference between Brits and Americans, London theatergoers are furious that Kevin Spacey is abandoning his role in the Philadephia Story to film his part as Lex Luthor for the Superman movie. You see, British people get upset when they realize they flushed 100 bucks down the toilet and a glorious night of mannered comedy is lost; Americans get excited when they have another excuse to flush 10 down on an overhyped, disappointing blockbuster. [IMDB]

• Pink Floyd’s reuniting for Live 8. Sorry — there won’t be any place to plug in your lava lamp in Hyde Park. Pink Floyd hasn’t played together since the early 80s, when Roger Waters’ ego sprouted a second head that demanded a royalty split, its own dressing room, and a snooker table at every tour stop. Original Floyd frontman Syd Barrett is still insane, so he will not be in attendance. [NME]

• Bjork’s next CD will actually be a soundtrack for Matthew Barney’s next art film. The film, entitled “Drawing Restraint 9,” will premiere in Japan on July 1; the soundtrack will come out later that month. We’re going to report this one with a straight face because even if Barney’s a bit of a pretentious windbag, we have nothing but respect for his God-stopping lover. Bjork will also appear in the film, the first time she’s been on screen since her performance in Dancer in the Dark. [Bjork.com]

• And speaking of Icelandic pop stars who seem to exist solely in expansive soundscapes of their own invention, Sigur Ros has a new record coming out in the fall, and an American tour in the offing to boot. Sigur Ros’ last full-length was the absurdly titled () — the songs were untitled, too — but real fans name the tune by identifying the car commercial in which it appeared.

LADY BRITTANY, CROWNED PRINCESS

E! crowned Brittany Gastineau as “America’s Next Paris Hilton” (though it’s certainly suspicious that her reality show, Gastineau Girls, aired on E!) but it’s hard to tell exactly what the title means.

Is Brittany the next rich girl taking cell phone calls in night-vision? The next reality TV star-cum-burger poster girl? The next magazine spread likely to tattoo the name of her Backstreet Boyfriend on her wrist?

Brittany definitely fits the bill on some fronts, and she’s well on her way to imitating Hilton’s ink: Page Six spotted the daughter of former New York Jets star Mark Gastineau hand-in-hand with Paris’ ex-boyfriend Nick Carter at the opening of Bolzano’s in Midtown Manhattan. Meanwhile, PerezHilton.com spied the duo at Bungalow 8, sharing a table with her gaggle of hangers-on. No rumors yet about a Quiznos ad in production, but it’s clear Brittany has taken quickly to her reigning role. But the real question isn’t whether Brittany is the next Paris Hilton, but whether we even need a replacement when our America’s obsession with the blonde heiress shows no signs of slowing. Or, ya know, if we need a Paris Hilton at all. (DH)