UBERBUILDER DONALD TRUMP’S LATEST ERECTION, Trump Place, on the Hudson River in Manhattan, is almost tasteful compared with his signature skyscrapers. But the model-chasing mogul hasn’t abandoned brassiness; he’s just plunked it atop his trademark smirk. In more conservative days Trump sported a standard-issue pompadour. Lately, though, his coif has become a crown of scorn – changing colors (red to orange to ocher) faster than Ivana changes boyfriends. His hair has been variously referred to as “suspect” (the Westchester County Journal News), “laughable” (the Washington Post), and a “loaf of challah” (the Toronto Star). Even David Letterman, who knows from dubious hair, mocked Trump’s mezzo-mullet as “proof that money can’t buy everything.” Getting away with bad hair is one thing in Atlantic City. But now Trump has nabbed a starring role in his own NBC reality series, The Apprentice.

We convened a coven of celebrity stylists, who offered to pitch in some free advice:

Harry King
CLIENTS : Cindy Crawford, Sting, Elizabeth Taylor
ADVICE : “Trump’s a big, big guy, so that’s probably why he wears his hair big, big. I’d cut it shorter and not blow the shit out of it, and maybe see what his natural color is.”

Edward “Scissorhands” Tricomi
CLIENTS: Melanie Griffith, Sharon Stone, Julie Andrews
ADVICE: “It’s like a football scrimmage line that keeps getting pushed farther and farther back. He should cut it shorter and go on Propecia.”

Maury Hopson
CLIENTS: Sigourney Weaver, Bernadette Peters
ADVICE: Says tackling Big Orange would be “a feat requiring a foreman with a large crew. Ivana got custody of the hair.”

John Barrett
CLIENTS: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Martha Stewart
ADVICE: “He’s a very handsome man, with impeccable taste in clothing and in who is on his arm. [Exasperated sigh] The hair defies gravity, and nature! I mean, I’d have to find out what’s underneath first.”

KID-TV SUPERSTAR HILARY DUFF PLAYS A TYPICAL TEENAGE GIRL ON THE DISNEY CHANNL’S LIZZIE MCGUIREDuring a recent magazine interview pushing The Lizzie McGuire Movie, she even managed to stay in character the entire time. According to the reporter’s transcript of the conversation, Duff used the word like no fewer than 151 times in 20 minutes. That’s an astonishing seven and a half times per minute, or once every eight

seconds – significantly more if you subtract the time the interviewer was speaking. Of course, like isn’t all the loquacious young lady had to say. She also managed to work in 56 y’knows.

“THANKS, DAD, FOR TEACHING ME TO CHASE MY DREAMS,” blared the headline atop Victoria Gotti¹s Sunday New York Post column on Father¹s Day 2002, not long after her father’s passing. An appropriate sentiment, to be sure, but a bit odd when the dad in question was convicted killer and dandy mob capo John Gotti. But that’s beside the point. In April, Post editor Col Allen dealt a blow to Victoria’s dream chase and fired her from the paper. (“Once her dad died, it was only a matter of time,” notes one Post insider.) She didn’t take the news too well and “flipped out,” says a source, telling the Aussie editor, “You haven’t seen the last of me!” For his sake, we hope the part in her Father’s Day piece about Dad teaching her “everything he knew” wasn’t entirely true.

ACTRESS WINONA RYDER HAS CAST A CURATORIAL EYE on a string of indie-rock up-and-comers since the early days of grunge. Last month the amateur talent scout, 31, gave her latest coital thumbs-up to Conor Oberst, the 22-year-old frontman of folk-punk outfit Bright Eyes. We wanted to be among the first to congratulate Oberst on his coming success. But we urge him to beware the Ryder Curse: In addition to his favorite ironic T-shirt, she’s liable to walk off with his career. In fact, the majority of artists from “Easy” Ryder’s collection of stolen hearts now carry the nice price stickers. Will Oberst be a Dave Grohl, or a Dave Pirner? Can’t say we didn’t warn him: