MA’AM, PLEASE REMOVE THE FETUS AND PUT IT THROUGH THE X-RAY

Fox News—which is still calling suicide bombers “homicide bombers”—is reporting that the latest fear-mongering security memo released by the no-longer-color-obsessed Department of Homeland Security includes information about potential female suicide bombers coming to America. Apparently, strapping up a mentally disabled young woman with fake pregnant bellies is a hot new trend in Iraq, Turkey, Sri Lanka, Chechnya, India, Pakistan, and the Palestinian territories—but with a creative twist not imagined by the likes of even Knocked Up or Juno producers.

 

That twist is that terrorists are filling the fake pregnant bellies strapped to the disabled women with explosives that either the women or their handlers can detonate. In some cases, not trusting the disabled women to follow through with their “intentions,” their handlers assume sole responsibility for the detonation of the “homicide” bombs, which are somewhat more aptly named when you consider that the person holding the bomb might not necessarily comprehend what they’re being asked to do.