The Ku Klux Klan wants you to know: “Despite some rumors, the Ku Klux Klan is not endorsing Barack Obama for President.” The source of the confusion, says the group of mouth-breathing knuckle-draggers, is the Onion-like satirical website, The Daily Squib, whose joke headline stated, “Ku Klux Klan Endorses Obama.” Not true, says the troupe of sheet-clad cousin-humpers. In fact, Thomas Robb, national director of The Knights Party wonders, “Is he willing to stand for the protection of white men, women and children who are quickly to be America’s new minority.” [sic]


For good measure, Rachel Pendergraft, spokesperson for the banjo-noodling Wal-Mart Supercenter regulars, adds, “We pray for the day when we will see a strong candidate; a God fearing white man or woman, who will restore the principles of the Constitution, promote free enterprise versus a planned economy, put military troops on the border to stop illegal immigration, put an end to the social experiment called forced integration which has had a devastating effect on all races, and return our schools to a wholesome environment of learning by removing homosexual indoctrination.”