Sandy's Sleazy Rider

by Julie Bloom & Derek De Koff

1. In the Globe, an ex-girlfriend reveals the alleged “shocking secret” of Sandra Bullock’s biker boyfriend, Jesse James. What is it?

A. Years ago he walked out of Miss Congeniality, deeming it “sissy crap” and its star “a total assface.”
B. He wooed Bullock by claiming to be the grandson of the outlaw cowboy of the same name.
C. He allegedly forced the ex-girlfriend to perform oral sex on him.
D. The ex-girlfriend is pregnant with James’s child.
E. He enjoys making the noise of a revving Harley during sex.
F. Training wheels.

2. According to the National Enquirer, Lisa Marie Presley claims Elvis had a close connection to Charles Manson. What was it?

A. Elvis had intermediaries contact Manson, hoping he would murder the Beatles.
B. Elvis briefly considered recording Manson’s song “Raw Face Blood Slaughter Infant Rainbow with Cackling Skulls.”
C. Elvis forced his Memphis mafia to spend countless hours writing letters arguing against Manson’s parole.
D. Manson heard “Hound Dog” after ingesting LSD, and subsequently butchered Squeaky Fromme’s Pekingese.
E. Manson and Presley had the same vocal coach for many years.
F. Manson issued death threats to Elvis.

3. Photos in Us Weekly depicted Tom Cruise doing all but one of the following things on Oprah Winfrey’s May 23 show in order to express his love for Katie Holmes. Which one didn’t he do?

A. Leap up on the couch.
B. Piddle on the carpet in an apparent fit of excitement.
C. Kneel and pump his fists, à la Tiger Woods.
D. Scream, “I’m in love!”
E. Drag the actress out onto the set.

4. The National Enquirer reports that Liza Minnelli plans to dig up Judy Garland’s body. What for?

A. A very lucrative offer for her mom to march in this year’s Gay Pride parade.
B. She’s just sure the old gal has at least one more comeback in her.
C. She wants Garland’s body moved to the Hollywood Forever cemetery.
D. Minnelli has recently been visited by Garland’s ghost, who claims that a treasure map was buried with her body.
E. A new will recently surfaced that states Garland wished to be buried in the Dorothy dress from The Wizard of Oz.

5. According to the Globe, Rod Stewart and his estranged wife Rachel Hunter aren’t on speaking terms because:

A. Hunter has been stricken with a freak case of deafness.
B. Stewart allegedly proposed to another woman before the divorce was finalized.
C. Hunter heard that Stewart had penned a disparaging love song called “Rachel Wants a Facial.”
D. Stewart has grown jealous of the attention Hunter’s reality show appearances have brought her.
E. There’s a bitter feud between Hunter and her stepdaughter, Kimberly Stewart.

6. According to Page Six, which celebrity is slated to appear at the National Republican Congressional Committee’s “Salute to Freedom” dinner along with President Bush?

A. Wholesome country singer Reba McEntire
B. Iconoclastic director Mel Gibson
C. Tit Happens star, porn actress Mary Carey
D. Wealthy burnout Kid Rock
E. Underemployed actor Butch “Eddie Munster” Patrick

7. Star magazine reports that newly coupled Tommy Lee and Tara Reid were recently spotted:

A. Using the same syringe for both heroin and Botox injections.
B. Hugging and kissing at West Hollywood restaurant Café Med.
C. Looking forlornly at the lobsters about to be boiled at Gladstone’s Malibu restaurant.
D. Being the “bread” in a Paris Hilton “sandwich.”
E. Playing tug-of-war with the last available bottle of Jack Daniel’s at a West Hollywood liquor store.
F. Purchasing matching red thongs at Frederick’s of Hollywood.

8. According to Page Six, which one of the following divas has hired a “petite Columbian woman” to help keep their skirt from touching the floor?

A. Osama bin Laden
B. Mariah Carey
C. Hayden Christiansen
D. Céline Dion
E. Starr Jones

9. According to the Star, thieves recently raided Naomi Campbell’s yacht off Cannes and took off with several cherished possessions, which included:

A. Her last remaining bottle of infant’s blood.
B. $45,000 in jewelry and clothes.
C. The index finger of her last personal assistant.
D. The June 2005 issue of Angry Black Woman Monthly.
E. An onyx pendant given to her by her father.
F. The macaroni necklace she made in kindergarten.

10. On her May 17 show, Ellen DeGeneres gave Britney Spears and Kevin Federline a decked-out baby carriage, pictured in People, that included what?

A. “Not Sure Greasy’s My Daddy” diapers
B. “Oops, I Did It Again!” diapers
C. “Hit My Baby One More Time” diapers
D. “I Mooch Off Mommy Too!” diapers
E. “It’s My Poo-rogative” diapers
F. “Future Runaway” diapers

11. “I only get balding men with giant guts.” Which celebrity was quoted saying this in Us Weekly?

A. Lynn Cheney
B. Scarlett Johansson
C. Brittany Murphy
D. Lindsay Lohan
E. Kevin Spacey

12. According to In Touch, with whom has Prince Harry has become a chummy pen pal?

A. Entertainment Tonight’s style maven Steven Cojocaru
B. Sexy Australian leading man Russell Crowe
C. Spine-tingling suspense novelist Dean R. Koontz
D. Microscopic fashion heiress Allegra Versace
E. Suddenly single superstar Jennifer Aniston

ANSWERS: 1) C; 2) F; 3) B; 4) C; 5) B; 6) C; 7) B; 8) B; 9) B; 10) B; 11) B; 12) B

Photo: NYDN