Traditionally, a fair is a place where old people, fat people, rednecks, and poorly educated teenagers congregate to watch lowbrow spectacle, engage in pointless, dangerous activities, and eat lethal food. For Florida to have one is the height of redundancy; basically, the people who attend fairs in other states are experiencing a condensed version of what it's like to live here.

On the upside, you know a state fair in Florida is going to make every other state fair look like a benefit gala for Mensa.

Want to watch a 400-pound woman climb off her Rascal scooter to order some deep-fried Pepsi? Interested in seeing an eight-year-old girl fondling a funnel cake with the same hands she just ran all over the dung-spattered pelts of anemic goats? Curious about exactly who would pay good money for a freshly airbrushed T-shirt that reads "Money Before Ho's [sic]"? The transsexual carny wasn't manning-slash-womanning the Spider this year, but other than that, it was pretty much business as usual.

The Florida State Fair never fails to satisfy on that cynical, other-people-are-idiots level. But the weird thing is, it never fails to suck you in, too; to make you one of those grinning, gorging morons without a care beyond running out of money. You go to point and laugh, but you stay for the Tilt-A-Whirl and the world's worst old-school freak show. And by the time you're on your third corn dog, you've completely forgotten that you thought you were better than all those cretins a couple of hours ago.—Scott Harrell