Bobbyd -- I'm clueless? Pick up on the pop culture reference. Think about what Fabio did before his posters were tacked to your bedroom walls. Can't figure it out? Maybe you're too young to know, so I'll give you the clue: he was a cover model for trashy romance novels -- fiction's equivalent to this article.

Oh yeah, to answer your other question: No, I've never paid for sex. It is, however, perfectly acceptable to question the veracity of the writer's reporting when it comes off so contrived.

And no, I sure as hell didn't "check out her myspace, man."

He brews a mighty fine jasmine tea, too.

Lest us not forget former Olympian Megan Quann Jendrick's modern classic, "Get Wet, Get Fit: The Complete Guide to Getting a Swimmers Body."

I call BS. If this contrived mess was a lead story, Radar's cover would feature a skinny jeaned Fabio locked in a longing embrace with Ashley Dupree. But seriously, Jessica, good luck with the fiction career!