America's saddest college mascots

You're aware that two of these mascots (Evergreen's and Santa Cruz's) are intended to be jokes, right? I see that you think hippies are the funniest punchline to every joke on earth, but you can't exactly point to those two as though every single person at the school didn't also realize and enjoy their ridiculousness.

It's really too bad you missed the Whitman College Fighting Missionaries. He carries a bible in one hand and a gun in the other. And it's not a religiously affiliated school!

Hey now. I'm a Greener (student at Evergreen), and we are very proud of our giant phallic bivalve mascot, thank you.

Go, Geoducks go,
Through the mud and the sand,
let's go.
Siphon high, squirt it out,
swivel all about,
let it all hang out.

Go, Geoducks go,
Stretch your necks when the tide
is low
Siphon high, squirt it out,
swivel all about,
let it all hang out.

I'd like to nominate the mascot of Oregon State University- Benny Beaver. Unlike most phallic oriented symbols, Portland and Oregon in general are oriented toward other gender.
There's nothing like riding on the Portland lightrail MAX next to 100 little 3rd graders on a school trip who start chanting "Beaver, Beaver, Beaver" when the mascot hops on.
We also have a street called "couch" but people all say "coootch" haha.

Isn't there also the University of South Carolina Game Cocks? Sure Roosters fight like mad... but they said "game" get it ; )