Books
Writing the Christian Romance
A guide for the excessively smug and sinful
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THE CHAMP A secular Fabio cover, reinvented
According to Book Industry Trends 2007, religious books in general show the "highest growth in dollar sales" across the industry. And Christian romances lead the charge, accounting for 11.4 percent of all romance paperback sales. That's a 30 percent increase from 2005, with the numbers continuing to grow.
In other words, with the market saturated with tales of infidelity, suicide, and baby stealing, your quasi-autobiographical memoir, Ketamine: A Curious Love Story, may languish in the slushpile—just one more bit of Sodom in Gomorrah. Better, and smarter, to earn your table at Michael's—or at least your residuals—with a PG romp targeted at millions of America's book-buying faithful.
Of course, for the secular writer, crafting a Christian romance means shooting all your darlings, substituting spiritual elements and "takeaway faith" messages for traditional page-flipping staples like violence, profanity, and sex. (According to Gail Gaymer Martin, author of Writing the Christian Romance, this is nonnegotiable, as "Christian romance stresses chastity for the unmarried, and married couples close the bedroom door.")
So, with these limitations in mind, and using Martin's book as a guide—we'll hesitate to call it our bible—Radar adopts six easy steps: Crafting a Christian romance ... for the excessively smug and sinful.
OUR GUIDEBOOK Writing the Christian Romance by Gail Gaymer Martin
"List all the fairy tales you can think of ... select one, and see how you could develop a contemporary Christian romance from the idea. Then do the same using bible verses."
From Snow White's prince-hungry crooning to The Little Mermaid's theme of filial abandonment, simply too many fairy tales—rife with opportunities to explore the spiritual elements of true love—have been appropriated by the gay-coddling Disney corporation. Taking the next logical step, then, a Christian writer should consider Googling "random bible verse generator." The verse Radar received seemed particularly apt, and prime for fleshing out into a complex but right-minded tale of boy meets girl, boy redeems girl, girl makes sinful mistake, regrettable dry-humping commences:
"The crown of pride, the drunkards of Ephraim, shall be trodden under feet:" —Isaiah 28:3
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MILD TIMES In His Dreams, a Christian romance title from Gail Gaymer Martin
"Start by looking at your own attributes, qualities, values, and degrees of faith or scrutinize the properties that comprise the personality and attributes of your family and friends."
Also recommended: "Cutting out pictures of attractive people from catalogs and newspapers."
Note on physical descriptions: "Some publishers encourage keeping descriptions above the chest on the male hero and above the shoulders on the heroine."
Surrounded as the average secular writer is with drunks, misogynists, and narcissistic assholes, it may be necessary to pluck goodly heroes and heroines from the public sphere. The heroine, for instance, should be inspired by a lady of class and intelligence, ideally for whom there is little photographic evidence of a lower body. For the sake of this example, we'll use the lovely and talented New York Times op-editress Maureen Dowd.
Then there's the hero. He should be a man of fortitude and strength, a man who is working to overcome chinks in his spiritual armor and the sins of the past. A man like former Poison lead singer and star of Rock of Love I and II, Bret Michaels.
JUST HYPOTHETICALLY ... Rock of Love's Bret Michaels, and the New York Times' Maureen Dowd
A Christian introduction between two such characters might go a little something like this:
Example: Our two heroes find themselves at a Guitar Hero soiree in downtown Manhattan. "Maureen" is attending ironically, coaxed into attending by literary wunderkind Keith Gessen. She scans the room, focused on finding fodder for her next column, "The Infantalization of the American Man." "Bret" is at the bar. As she enters, their eyes meet. He winks at her from across the room, and she is taken aback, horrified at his forwardness. And yet, intrigued. She wanders over to him, curious about this unknown creature with the easy smile and flowery bandanna.
According to Martin, writers can avoid the crudeness of secular romance by avoiding gratuitous physical descriptions and "focus[ing] on a admirable characteristic" of each character. There will no bodice-ripping or sheathing of man-swords on this first meeting. Just a quiet appreciation of each other's admirable traits.
Example: Maureen knew that many women were drawn to Bret's flaxen hair, but it is was his eyes, glittering pools lined with carefully applied kohl, that she noticed first. Those eyes kept her chatting idly at the side of the bar, sipping her tonic and soda, drawn in.
Bret, for his part, couldn't stop taking in Maureen—the way her word choice was so ambitious, the familiar way she spoke of heads of state. He'd heard cautionary tales about women like her before—"handsomely dressed," "career driven." But she was different. Maybe it was her flaming hair, her bodaciousness. No. These were just side dishes—nay, distractions—from her most attractive quality: her indomitable search for truth despite being mired in a den of moral apologists and Jews.
BARE CHESTED ARDOR Reinvented, with a takeaway "spiritual message"
"Backstory is the subtle seasoning of a novel. ... One or two of the conflicts [in the past] should be part of the spiritual struggle character; for example, a prideful character knows that the Lord asks him to be humble."
Examples:
Maureen: For the sake of entertainment, we'll say that her Irish ancestry indicates two fundamental sins—a boozy past and idolatry/Catholicism.
Bret: His past promiscuity and penchant for godless rock and roll might just might conceal a deep longing for genuine spiritual connection.
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CRAZY, SEXY, COOL But not for you, if you're writing the Christian romance
"While [overcoming] sexual desire is one form of struggle, the intensity can also come from the confession of a dark secret and release found in forgiveness."
Unlike secular romance, where hidden sins add spice and kink, in a Christian romance, the two lovers should only move closer to one another in openness, sharing their flaws.
The moment of confession between our characters may go something like this:
Example: As the days passed, and their instant messaging and midday phone calls took on an affectionate and familiar tone, Maureen knew she needed to tell him.
"Bret, I have, at times, acted pridefully," she revealed.
Bret nodded his head, taking a deep breath before volunteering, "I slept with a harem of implanted groupies, not just on one, but on two different reality programs, all under the auspices of finding love."
"Also," Bret said, and Maureen could hear his hot breath coming through the phone, "I'm really, really drunk right now."
[Note how this confession parallels our foundational bible verse.]
In Christian romantic fiction, the equivalent to third base is usually physical contact, but it shouldn't occur until past sins have been resolved and the characters have made a deep spiritual connection.
Example: "Forgive me, Maureen," Bret says, swearing to get sober. He thinks back to his humble upbringing in Butler, Pennsylvania, and how, many times when he was on the road, surrounded by loose women and flying high off too many Tecates and mainlined insulin, there was only one set of footprints in the sand.
The two decide to pray. Shortly after praying, he pulls out his guitar and, over the phone, reveals that he has a surprise for her. A new version of "Talk Dirty to Me" that is all about their love and, ultimately, about Jesus.
You know I never
I never ever stay out late
You know that I can hardly wait
Just to see you
And I know you cannot wait
Wait to see me too
I gotta touch you.
CAPTAIN JACK Will get you high tonight. Unless you're a Christian. In which case, he won't.
"Rather than a titillating bedroom scene, Christian romance must pull out all the stops in providing readers with a dynamic ending filled with romance and emotion."
Note: "Kissing scenes never describe the use of the tongue or other titillating details."
So, instead of the pair meeting in a dark hotel room, Maureen's wet tongue exploring the crevices of Brett's mouth while her hands snake up his artfully torn Armani jeans, we'll just say that eventually their lips met, and both of them felt stirrings ...
Then, as is appropriate for a Christian romance, they are married that summer. Keith Gessen—no longer sad, no longer literary, and, most important, no longer Jewish—officiates. Emotionally. Romantically. Dynamically. The two kiss, depart into the sunset, and—of course—close the bedroom door.
Fini
Related: Books
Posted by: JeanK on April 23, 2008 9:31 AM
I found your article illuminating. Thank you for the interest in Christian romance stories. I wish you would really read one or more, so you could see why the stories are so popular and the genre steadily growing in the publishing market. I have written several that appeal to men--Pirate's Prize, Gerda's Lawman, Who Am I? to name a few. Try one of mine or some by other authors. Gail has written a large number of these titles. That's why she was asked by the publisher to write the book on how to write Christian romances.
Posted by: lenanelsondooley on April 23, 2008 12:51 PM
Having read enough secular romances in my time, I find myself enjoying Christian romances more and more and secular ones less and less. One of the problems with having opened the bedroom door, is that by describing everything that goes on in there, the thing that drives romance novels-sexual tension-is lost. After a while, those sex scenes just start sounding like the same old same old. It's like the tv series where viewers are hooked as long as the attraction between the two leading characters remained in doubt. Once they get together, the show loses steam.
Posted by: Ruth Axtell Morren on April 23, 2008 4:28 PM
Yawn. Is this supposed to be funny? Here's a tip: try reading a book on how to write satire before you try writing any more satire on books about how to write.
Posted by: Athol on April 23, 2008 6:55 PM
If you think a book has to include sex scenes to be realistic, think again. It takes skill to write a beautiful love story without smutty scenes. And the reality is, not everyone has sex outside of marriage and not everyone wants to read graphic sex scenes. That's one reason there's a growing market. Read Francine Rivers' "Redeeming Love" and you'll find another. Prostitution, violence and God's grace. Redemption is the difference.
Posted by: Mlynntn on April 24, 2008 2:37 AM
The Christian fiction market is exploding--and with good reason. Wonderful stories, which do run the gamut from sweet to heavy suspense--without relying on the cliches of mindless, boring and repetitious sex scenes meant to titillate (and between people with no true emotional commitment), or language that a well- educated, decent parent wouldn't want their kids to say. Each to his own, I guess, but I am thrilled by the burgeoning number of publishers who are expanding into the inspirational fiction market! And, I'm going straight to Amazon to buy Gail Martin's book. Thanks for the heads-up!
Posted by: Roxanne on April 24, 2008 10:16 AM
You know, Paige, this was pretty funny. Did you ask Maureen Dowd before you used her in your novel???
My book Petticoat Ranch is fast paced, funny, romantic and it sold really well. Simply put...it's a good read. It's not just Christians that would have a great time with my book.
There's a market for Christian fiction. Simple as that. It's called capitalism. Maybe you're heard of it?
What I don't understand is why it's ripe for mockery that Christians who read for entertainment would have their own tastes and preferences. Why not? Who exactly is it hurting????
If you'd like a chance to read Petticoat Ranch you can contact me through my website: http://www.maryconnealy.com/ . Maybe you can pass a copy on to Maureen after you're read it...if you can stand to part with it. :)
Posted by: MaryConnealy on April 24, 2008 1:43 PM
"According to Book Industry Trends 2007, religious books in general show the "highest growth in dollar sales" across the industry. And Christian romances lead the charge, accounting for 11.4 percent of all romance paperback sales. That's a 30 percent increase from 2005, with the numbers continuing to grow." Isn't this wonderful. Thanks for this little nugget.