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< BACK TO Fresh Intelligence Julia Allison Will Crash And Burn
EVEN THE GREATEST STARS LIVE THEIR LIVES IN THE LOOKING GLASS Allison Reach out to the actual human beings behind these properties, using a strategy I call "F&S"—friendship and stunts. That's really just marketing mixed with basic fifth-grade psychology—get their attention (for online types, it's better to do so IRL—there's less competition at parties than in their inboxes) and befriend them. When site purveyors think about whom they want to write about, will they think of people they know—or people they don't?See, the other thing about successful campaigns is that they require some finesse, some secrecy, some disguise of their manipulative intent. But there's something darker going on here. On her website, she writes that you should read this article, "Or else you're doomed to exist in the dim twilight that knows neither MySpace nor YouTube. Actually, that twilight seems pretty good right now." Hmm! Then there's the matter of some entity controlling her life. Says her Twitter feed: "'When we arrive at 9am, try to still be almost asleep!' - email I got this evening. HAHA ... Um, no problem??" Says her lifecasting website: I hadn't realized it had gotten so bad until I complained to Sarah Lacy today that I felt as if, over the past few years, I had become as sexually repressed as Charlotte York. And she said, "Julia, you're MUCH worse. Charlotte at least had sex!!!"So let's see. Her days are taken up with aggressively managed project that involves cameras and dictating where and when she should be and how she should behave that she doesn't enjoy, she's not having sex any more, and she's actually depressed by the sensation of being a publicly traded brand, because it's demeaning—even while she espouses the benefits of such in Time Out. For some time now as well, men, afraid of or repelled by her notoriety—the sort of men in whom she might be interested—have been backing away. Maybe she's still wildly hungry to make this project of JuliaAllison™ a success, but it's glaringly obvious from even the most glancing textual analysis that what started out fun has turned out to be no fun at all. How many nights will she cry herself to sleep all alone before she changes her name (again) and skips town? And will she make the profound mistake of treating the coming breakdown as just another narrative arc in her practice of self-distancing self-mythologizing? Can't she just make thousands of $$$$$$$$$$$$ stuffing envelopes at home? Posted by: SarahHeartburn on July 25, 2008 10:11 AM Can't she just make thousands of $$$$$$$$$$$$ stuffing envelopes at home? Posted by: SarahHeartburn on July 25, 2008 10:16 AM Yes, but what does Jessica Roy have to say about what Emily Gould thinks about it? Posted by: Moon Over My Hammy on July 25, 2008 10:16 AM Of course she'll continue the arc. Pish! The next step is to appear on Oprah in a Gouldian fuck you (and as a fuck you to Gould, "HA! I SCORED OPRAH SUCK IT WITH YOU MIDDLING NYT MAG PIECE!") weeping about how oversharing on the internet ruined her life, only to come home and oversharily blog about her experience on Oprah, at which point Oprah will become enraged that Julia referred to her & Gayle as Laurel & Hardy and OPRAH WILL EAT HER. Because in the end, Oprah will save us all. Posted by: jolie on July 25, 2008 10:19 AM Advertisement (erm, with YOUR MIDDLING. More coffee now please thank you!) Posted by: jolie on July 25, 2008 10:20 AM Who is this bimbo and why do you keep talking about her? She's seems very boring and self-absorbed. Posted by: doobert on July 25, 2008 10:49 AM Charlotte also had a sex tape. For the love of God, please don't model too closely, Julia! Posted by: Sweetie on July 25, 2008 10:57 AM Every time I think I can't love you any more than I already do, you do something like this, and I get all giddy and handclappy and suddenly I'm 8 years old again and you're Shaun Cassidy taking the stage by bursting through a paper-covered hoop. And in this fantasy, like Shaun, you are wearing a really nice satin jacket. Balk should get you a commemorative one to celebrate your stint at Radar. (Or at least a paper-covered hoop for your next dramatic entrance. Don't knock it until you've tried it.) Posted by: Hez on July 25, 2008 11:04 AM Um, Choire, are you Baugher!? Posted by: Judycats on July 25, 2008 11:22 AM Sheila over at Gawker should be promoted for linking to this story. Posted by: Swifter on July 25, 2008 11:33 AM Can Radar host a live blog of Julia picking a suitor from Internet commenters? It would be like Joe Millionaire of the Internet. Balk and Sicha can definitely make this happen. I'm in if it does down. Posted by: whateva on July 25, 2008 12:13 PM It's extremely tactful to inform your friends you were just using them to get famous and become a cel*webrity. Posted by: smashleigh on July 25, 2008 12:27 PM Food for thought: "I just feel like, now that everyone sort of operates at the speed we do, who's actually going to do the stuff that takes some time or some reading?...Everything has become knee-jerk like we are." Posted by: Moon Over My Hammy on July 25, 2008 12:30 PM Choire Cassidy: finally my crushmash has been realized. http://tinyurl.com/65tj4b Posted by: Hez on July 25, 2008 4:42 PM "she's not having sex any more" I find that hard to believe. I'd offer to help, but the Zoloft... Posted by: user5000 on July 25, 2008 9:59 PM It occurs to me know that Julia Allison is the Cordelia Chase of the internets. Only less loveable. Posted by: Judycats on July 26, 2008 8:25 AM |
   
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