• Air campaign: The British Royal Air Force is pissed at Prince William for using one of their $20 million helicopters to land in girlfriend Kate Middleton's backyard. This after he used the same pricey chopper to taxi himself and Harry to a stag weekend on the Isle of Wight.

• Campaign happy trail: Chelsea Clinton is all the rage among ass-grabbing Philadelphia gays and lesbians.

• Economic stimulus package: A study finds that male traders on Wall Street make more money on days when their testosterone levels are high. But researchers caution traders against taking testosterone supplements to make more money; they should stick to blow until more is known.

YES, THERE'S MORE: Fast cars, Europe stinks, and weed!

• Fast woman: 26-year-old Danica Patrick became the first woman to win an Indy car race Sunday, with a victory in the Indy Japan 300.

• Experience in termination: Moon Bloodgood, an actress you've never heard of unless you were one of the dozen people who watched NBC's quickly canceled Journeyman, will star in the fourth Terminator movie alongside Christian Bale in the role of Arnold's left peck.

• Not-so-fresh breeze: The South of England was hit with a foul smell over the weekend. The cause? Not the lingering fragrance of a royal stag weekend (typically a mix of Burberry cologne, vomit, and vinegar), but rather a strong easterly wind blowing the stench of German pigs across Europe.

• By the numbers: Shocker: a bunch of college kids smoked more weed than usual over the 4/20 weekend.

• Changing channels: Viacom, Paramount, MGM, and Lionsgate announced a new joint premium TV channel over the weekend. An insider says the new channel "royally screws" CBS chief exec Les Moonves, whose Showtime network relied on those studios to supply movies to the channel.