SMALL TALK So like, I was gonna wear something classy, but then I decided that a midriff-bearing crop-top sweater zip-up was more the evening's pace

LINDSAY
Self-proclaimed "socialite"

NEEL SHAH: Hi, Lindsay. How's it going?
LINDSAY: Good. Yourself?

I'm great. This is pretty exhausting though. So what do you do?
I'm a socialite.

Interesting. What does that mean?
I just hang out at Hotel Gansevoort, Level V, and Tenjune. I know like everyone there.

Me too. Love those places. Do you go anywhere else?
No.

HOT OR NOT Fake Paris Hilton is that rare individual who manages to pull off being more loathsome than real Paris Hilton

NATALIE
Professional Paris Hilton impersonator

Hi, Natalie, nice to meet you. I've seen quite a lot of you on the Internet.
Yeah, I get photographed a lot and stuff.

I see. So I have a project I think you'd be great for. Have you seen Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion?
Yeah. It's hot.

Great. So I'm a producer, and I'm looking for someone to cast in the Lisa Kudrow role for a Bollywood adaptation.
What's Bollywood?

It's like Hollywood ... with a B. Anyway, I'd love for you to audition.
Cool. I'm also producing an album right now. Can I sing in the movie?

Sure. Bollywood movies have tons of songs. Is it like Paris's album?
Better. Because it's ... it's, like, awesome, like, it's totally off the hook. It's not about being like Christina Aguilera or something. It's like, like, "I wear Prada shoes/on 5th Avenue," but it has a really good beat to it.

Sounds amazing. Can you rap?
Yeah.

Perfect. Can you rap backwards? She's dyslexic.
Yeah, totally.

Let me hear you.
Not now.

Oh come on. No one is judging.
I'm performing Saturday. Check it then.

WHO WANTS TO BE WITH A MILLIONAIRE? Perky brunette Lindsay flew in specifically for the event from Dallas. She was fond of asking every date, "What are you passionate about?" She was less fond of the inevitable answer: "Having emotionless sex with attractive but vapid females."

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